Some nice Stephen Colbert quotes that I like (all are from the Colbert Report)

•  Hey, alternating current, why don't you just admit you're bi?

•  How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Limo. Limo. Limo. This Is the Colbert Report!

•  Today is the first day of the rest of your life and it's already 11:30. What a waste

•  I promise to deliver the truth in the next 30 minutes or it's free. This Is the Colbert Report!

•  For every action, I have a superior and opposite reaction.

•  Warning, I may contain more then a trace amount of nut. This Is the Colbert Report!

•  By the power vested in me, I now pronounce us, Host and Audience. You may kiss the screen! This Is the Colbert Report!

•  Hey TiVo users, watch for a hidden message during commercials when you watch them in their entirety. This Is the Colbert Report!

•  Early to bed, early to rise. Makes a man, miss my show.

•  They days of atonement are upon us. I apologized for being perfect. This Is the Colbert Report!

•  I think. Therefor, you are

•  If your actions speak louder then words, your not yelling loud enough.

•  Stephen: (01-12-2009) Fool me once. Shame on You. Fool me twice. Shame on you again. I am shameless! This Is the Colbert Report!

•  America, here's my stimulus package [Colbert takes off his glasses] Hello ladies. This Is the Colbert Report!

•  Hey lady liberty, is'nt time you settled down and found yourself a man? This Is the Colbert Report!

•  Here's a brain teaser for ya. Your brain's ugly. This Is the Colbert Report!

•  I don't sugar code the news. I Drench it in high fructose syrup ? This Is the Colbert Report!

•  Hey former GM, CEO rick Wagner. If your looking for a job, I need somebody to stand in my parking space. This Is the Colbert Report!

•  Hey, song birds nesting outside my window, your now 82 months behind rent.

•  Stephen: (03-19-2009) Let's play, rock paper scissors. Mail in your answers, and let's see who won. This Is the Colbert Report!

•  Stephen: (04-08-2009) Put your money where your mouth is. Its a lot safer then a bank. This Is the Colbert Report!

•  Stephen: Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.

•  Stephen: America is in the middle of a coast-to-coast heat wave. Good thing for you, I'm America's biggest fan.

•  Stephen: You're either gay or you fight it.